When you try the hardest not to wake up your parents
When you try the hardest not to wake up your parents
#okay, kid. camera’s rolling say hello #hiiiii #state your name, age and where you’re from? #name’s harry…i’m 19 from holmes chapel in cheshire… #right harry i need you to feel at home, okay? just relax and mess around a bit, give it a moment to really touch yourself so you can tease them, got that? #yes sir #right, let’s do this, lube’s on the right hand drawer, get comfortable.
Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! BILL!
when you’re buying something and the cashier gives you change and people are waiting in line behind you and slowly moving forward and you’re trying to cram your change in your wallet and get out of the way as fast as you can that shit is horrifying and traumatic
imagine your icon making inappropriate jokes during dinner with your parents
What if your giving a bj in the shower and he just starts shampooing and conditioning your hair
Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies. For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house
In skyrim you can eat 100 cheese wheels in under a minute
i don’t understand why it’s illegal to have sex with a miner they provide us with coal and electricity they deserve a little fun
YEAH BUT CALIGULA WAS FUCKIN INSANE
And not in a good way. He was literally insane, and he was an absolute tyrant. He’s my favourite Roman emperor, just because he’s so interesting
- His father was a military hero, and he spent the first few years of his life on an army camp, where he paraded around wearing this mini-military uniform his mother made (which is where he got his name- “Caligula” meaning “little boot”). The soldiers basically worshipped him.
- As a teenager, he was called before Tiberius (who was a complete tyrant in his own right, and supposedly killed members of Caligula’s family) on the island of Capri, where he was forcibly adopted and as a result of how well he was treated he supposedly developed Stockholm Syndrome (though this is subject to debate). He held an undying hatred for Tiberius but was forced to show respect, so took out his anger on others and enjoyed watching executions and torture, and frequently indulged in orgies
- TIBERIUS THOUGHT HE WAS MAD. TIBERIUS.
- He gains absolute power of the Roman Empire at the 24- spent the last 5 years watching Tiberius murder, rape, and torture innocents for his own pleasure. So it’s fair to say he’s pretty messed up. He starts off by obliterating unpopular tax and literally giving away money- thus winning the adoration of the citizens. Then, seemingly overnight, he becomes a vicious, bloodthirsty psychopath.
- Early in his reign, he fell ill and spent a considerably period of time on the verge of death. Following most of his recovery, he still suffered major headaches and sometimes wandered round his palace in the dead of night, and started cross-dressing
- During his illness, one man offered his life in exchange for Caligula’s recovery. When he recovered, Caligula sought out this man and had him sacrificed.
- He called banquets, raped the female guests, then brought them back to the table to discuss the rape with the other guests
- HE DECLARED WAR ON THE GODS. Hence why he had the army fight Poseidon.
- He would make parents watch the executions of their children
- He held dinner parties for highly-regarded Roman citizens, during which he would order the executions of criminals between courses and- while his guests were dining- he would rape their wives in the room next door
- He appointed a horse as a consul. I’ll say that again. HE NAMED A HORSE A CONSUL. He had said horse attended to by 18 servants and fed it oats mixed with gold flakes
- He names himself a living God
- He his reign lasted four years, before he was stabbed to death. He did all that in four years.
I’M SORRY I JUST REALLY LOVE ROMAN HISTORY OK
Also when he would throw house parties he would hide wild animal like lions in random rooms and made people tour his house by themselves and they would be eaten if they opened the wrong door
(just so you know I did a huge project about him in history)
My Buddhist friend was stopped by a Christian fellowship and asked if she would consider following the word of Jesus Christ. She replied, “No, thanks, but maybe next time around.”
I don’t think they got the joke but I nearly died laughing.
wait what’s the joke
ok so yeah new homestuck or whatever thats cool and all but is andrew hussie okay??? is he getting enough sleep???? is he alright????
so halloween is coming…
this is not hoW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE!
PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING
That first Elsa is on point tho and Anna’s not too bad
did moe just make a pun?
he made a bun
i was referring to the “soooo sweet” as it’s the sweets set but ok
I kno I was just making a pun with what he said… sry jeez
Sorry if that sounded rude! A bun is also a dessert so I thought you’d just misinterpreted the joke!
my therapist taught me to start thinking of my anxiety as my panicky friend
this is so cute omg
Woah this is super useful!!
For all my anxious friends out there.
This totally works! Some of us get stuck in the sense that we *are* our emotions, so they overwhelm us and we can’t do anything about them. When you give your emotion an identity separate from you, it gives you the distance to make better judgments about it, and to comfort yourself better. 10/10 therapy veterans would recommend.